To Wear A Mankini? Or Not To Wear A Mankini?

Now, I am a diver, and diving involves prancing about on your tiny legs as legally close as you can get to being naked. Speedos are relaxing and comforting -although if put on incorrectly choke your balls a little to hard- they are freeing and liberating. A speedo also gives the hunkier, hairier man something to strut down the public beach. 

Anyway flauntin' my junk around with the occasional pubic hair popping out the sides is what I do best, so now it's a matter of how fashionable, trendy, and sexy I can make it. Which brings me to the question to wear a mankini or not to wear a mankini?

Who doesn't want to be that styling, seriously?? Plus this front guy's got balls like an elephant and the mankini totally compliments it... just saying.

C'mon! When you got an ass that bounces like the tapioca pudding you eat you deserve the right to be able to run down the beach without being laughed at, what you are doing is shear beauty. It is really is a shame that we now live in a world today where wearing a mankini is frowned upon.
So really my question is, should I take the risk of either turning the mankini into the greatest fashion trend known to mankind, or losing all dignity and self respect in being shunned by my piers?
Fuck it, I'm wearing a mankini.